Life can throw you some interesting curve balls

Tonight I found out I was expecting my third child and I am in total shock and dumbfounded. Let me backup to explain why I decided to test in the first place.


At the end of last week I was ridiculously pissed off at Matt. I mean the poor guy couldn’t do anything right and I was frustrated and irritated at the world. My day would be going really good and one small little hiccup with get under my skin….well more than that. I would react and become infuriated over nothing. I couldn’t understand what my deal was. I was blaming it on lack of sleep. Which brings me to my second issue. I have been so tired the last week or so. I blamed this on a few factors 1) Miles is starting to wake up a ton throughout the night and I am not tolerating it well 2) I am working out at night and my whole schedule is off 3) I figure my thyroid was regulating and I was starting to feel the affects of being hypothyroid. Then on Friday I was lucky enough to come home from work early. I was super excited but I had not really eaten and went WAY too long without food. By the time I had some food I had a horrible headache and I just wasn’t feeling too hot. So I was laying on the floor, Matt had just gotten home and was in the room, I was on the phone with my mom when Brielle came over to me and out of no where she jumped/stepped on my pelvic area. It felt like a ton of bricks hit me….I hurt so bad and the pain didn’t disappear for awhile. I had this thought at the time, man good thing I wasn’t pregnant because she could have caused a miscarriage (ha little did I know) Then I have noticed I have had a lot of vaginal discharge but I blame that on ovulation. I have had some ovulation/cramping discomfort but figured I was getting ready to start my period. I also noticed I have been CRAVING chocolate ALL THE TIME. Now I feel this is WAY too early to start any cravings but it is true, I need a chocolate fix everyday.

Today we were at Matt’s folk’s house and I randomly got a bloody nose. I first thought, that’s weird. Then I thought wow I hope I am not pregnant, then I thought well I haven’t been drinking a lot of water lately I am probably dehydrated.

A little later while we were still at the house I had this weird thought about Brielle. I was thinking about when I have the next kid I hope she doesn’t feel like she is getting pushed aside. I thought because she is the oldest I hope she doesn’t feel less loved or upset because she will not be in the spotlight as much.

Then tonight I was flossing my teeth and I was bleeding more than usual. I thought oh great and grabbed a pregnancy test. I really had to urinate so I shut the door to the bathroom cause I didn’t want Matt to see that I was testing. Then once I put the test on the floor I opened the door (hoping he wouldn’t see anything or suspect anything). I waited. The first line took forever to appear. I thought, “Wow that’s weird, it’s never taken that long before.” By then I heard Miles and jumped up to get him.

While in Miles room I thought about the test. I thought, “Great my hormones really are screwed up and I can’t even get a negative reading.” I planned on calling the endocrinologist first thing in the morning. Then I heard Matt pull out the trash can and started to panic a little. I still had the test out and I didn’t want him to see it. I was hoping maybe he wouldn’t but then I heard him head upstairs and into our bathroom. I just held my breath.

I could hear him walking down the hallway and then he appeared into the doorway of Miles room. He had a weird look on his face and I smirked knowing what he was going to ask me. “Is there a reason why you tested?” He asked. I kept smirking and laughed and said, “Well I was just curious.” Then he said, “Then why are there two lines on it???” I immediately jumped up and said, “Ok you’re not funny.” He said, “No really there are two lines on it.” I literally threw Miles back in his crib and marched behind Matt. The whole time down the hallway I kept saying, “Matt you’re not funny.” He said I am not joking. As we turned the corner and entered the bathroom I said, “Matt I am going to be so pissed if you are joking (thinking this isn’t a very funny joke). He ran ahead of me and grabbed the test and lifted it to eye level for me. “Look” he said “there are two lines, one is very faint but there are two lines!”

OH MY GOSH!!! This was all that came to mind. Miles was screaming because I put him down so I ran back and grabbed him and walked back into the bathroom. I stood in the entrance of the bathroom with Matt standing in the empty bathtub cutting his nails and said, “What are we going to do??” He looked up at me looking like a deer in the headlights and said, “Well we are going to have a baby.” It was funny cause Miles was wide-eyed and happy. As we were talking about it his smiles were so big and he was laughing. It was as if he knew and was trying to tell us to be happy, cause he was. I turned to Matt and said, “This is why he has to be so mild.”

I can’t remember when he said this but he told me, “I am not going to lie; this hit me like a ton of bricks. I TOTALLY wasn’t expecting this.”

I feel terrible because I didn’t even prep him that I was testing. I didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. I didn’t expect him to find it and discover we were expecting before I knew. The whole turn of events has been very interesting.

On top of that, I had like two minutes to get ready to go because my good friend Cristy was on her way over to pick me up to go to the gym. The last thing Matt said to me was, “we are not going to be telling anyone for a long time.” I knew I was probably going to be spilling the beans to Cristy. I mean I just found out and didn’t even get time to really talk to Matt. But I was going to try to not say anything. Well that lasted maybe two minutes. I was trying to ask her questions and not have me talk much tonight. That didn’t work she asked me how I was and I laughed then she asked how my weekend was and I just rambled nonsense saying I couldn’t even think what we did. Then so told me the super bowl and I laughed cause I seriously couldn’t remember. So she said, “Ok well you can tell me when we start working out.” Uh yeah, I said. Then I said well um Cristy, so I just found I am pregnant. She gave a really good response which made me feel good. She is a great listener and so she listen to me ramble the whole time we were together. It was very therapeutic. I laughed and cried in her car before going into the gym. Then during the workout I kept saying I was in shock and talked about my concerns. It was a late start anyway so we just did some cardio and stretched and went home.

So I am thinking I am due in October sometime. I am thinking it’s a girl cause I am SO pissy (like I was with Brielle) If both these things are true then it will be awesome because she can fit into everything of Brielle’s. I am also thinking a girl will be good cause I won’t be as sick. How I am dreading that already. Ha I can’t believe I am saying all this, I was the girl who cried when I found out I was having a girl. Now I am giddy thinking about it.

I am also thinking this pregnancy had to be a surprise because I was having very serious thoughts of waiting a very long time till the next one, and that is if there is even a next one. Therefore the Lord said, well I think you do need to have more.

I was hoping to have them further apart. When I was pregnant with Miles, Brielle was turning away from the baby stage and more into the toddler stage. I was ready to have another baby nestled up into my arms. Between Miles and this next baby, they will be so close I don’t know if I am going to be able to keep breastfeeding, or breastfeed for as long as I want to (at least 12 months). If I make it the whole 12 months I will have just barely stopped feeding when I am going to start right back up again and pump again. I also feel that I am robbing Miles of his baby stage. Meaning I want to still enjoy him in the state that he is in. I want to love each stage he is in. I want to enjoy him longer. I want to love on him more. I want to carry both kids in each arm and have Brielle repeat the saying she hears me say, “two cute kids” or “oh I am getting so heavy” I love being able to hold both kids in my lap while reading a book. I love feeding Miles and having Brielle cuddle with me in my other open arm/shoulder.

I don’t want to feel like I am rushing either kid to get to the next stage because I am having another baby.

I was hoping there would be some distance so that when my third came along it wasn’t so hard on my mom to watch three kids. I wanted more distance because I wanted Miles to be walking before we even started trying. I wanted more distance because Erin wanted to be pregnant with me on my third. I wanted more distance because now my fourth will have to be closer so it’s not hanging out there by themselves so either I have a fourth close or wait and have a total of 5 kids. I wanted distance because I was hoping to be in a better financial situation where I might not have to work as much. I was hoping for more distance so I wouldn’t be working on my floor anymore.

This all seems so surreal to me still. I have so many mixed emotions. I am feeling guilty for not being happy and excited. I am super nervous; my mind can’t even comprehend any of this. I feel anxious cause I want to get some advice about nutrition with breastfeeding and being pregnant. I am nervous I am going to lose it. I was thinking if I didn’t know and I started to bleed I would have thought I was starting my period. Now that I do know I am having a miscarriage….which scares me to death. I think there is a reason this all happen and in the same breath think yeah you stupid it’s called having sex and using the most unreliable form of birth control. I am nervous about what work is going to say. I am nervous about how I am going to handle all of this. I am super worried about our money situation. I feel that so many of my previous thoughts are so selfish and worldly, which makes me feel guilty. I could go on for days about my mixed emotions. However, I think time will come that I will be excited and grateful. I am just not there yet. But I do pray that everything goes good and that I will have a healthy baby.


I stayed up late last night writing my thoughts so I could sleep. This morning Matt wanted me to test again. I had to wait because I was in bed with Miles asleep in my arms. When I did test, the first line showed up right away. Ok I thought, that is what happened last night too. I kept going in to check on it and I didn’t see any changes. I told Matt that I guess I was going to have to wait the whole 5 minutes because it’s not changing. But I still kept going in to look. Near the end Brielle would follow me and ask me what I was doing? He never changed! I was so confused and my brain was trying so hard to figure out what was going on. I told Matt you can’t have false positives. What asked what I wanted to do and I decided we were going to head over to my parent’s house anyway and tell me.

As we were getting ready to walk out I look down and notice my test look different. It was then that I took a closer look and realized one test was a fertility test that had two lines on it and the other was a pregnancy test with one line. I busted out laughing told Matt. First thing out of his mouth, “YOU DORK!” All the stress and another sleepless night over nothing. Wow what a ride!

We decided to pull the joke on my parents. I was super curious to know what there reaction would be. So I covered the end that said fertility test and showed them the two lines. They asked if I was serious, and all the emotions from last night came out and I started to cry. Much to my surprise they were really excited. Then I felt bad and we explained the whole thing to them. It gave them a good laugh and then my mom started to cry. The thought of delivery still gets to her after the last experience. This whole interaction was very insightful. I am grateful to know that my parents will be excited when I do get pregnant. Also learned my mom would be willing to continue to babysit, and I know how emotions are going to be before I deliver.