the weekend

I woke up around sevenish and called my Dad's cell. He said that neither mom or he slept very good. He procedded to tell me that the triage ER nurse was Katie, my elementary school frind. She was able to push them right through, they only had to wait for one other person. Then while in the ER several people came up giving their sympathies and saying, "Oh you are Anita Hicks." When the ER doctor walked in he said, "I understand you already have a room upstairs, why keep you here." The only thing ER did was start an IC and then sent her to Oncology. Then the hospitalist came and it was Dr. Ann Marie Barnett. She performed a breast exam and couldn't find anything. My dad asked why they think the primary source is breast and not bone. She said because bone is very rare and the spine is the most common area for breast cancer to spread to. After assessing her she asked if my mom taught violin lessons. Right at that moment my mom knew who this doctor was....an old violin student of hers. They ended up talking for a couple of hours. By then it was around 2:30 or so in the morning. After the doctor left they said they had a hard time sleeping and thought they finally fell asleep around 4AM or so. He also informed me that an Oncologist was going to see my mom this morning. That was great.

I was hoping to be there early enough so I could hear what the Oncologist had to say. However I was pretty slow about getting ready and right before leaving the house my Dad called and said the Oncologist was there. Matt stayed home with Brielle. I took Miles, a bag of food and my mom's lap top. When I arrived to my mom’s room my Aunt Nan and Grandpa Ross was there. My mom smiled and said that she gets to go home. They want her to do a mammogram and a bone biopsy before she was discharged but the bone biopsy equipment wasn't working. Her mammogram was scheduled for 10:30. She said the doctor said she has an unusual manifestation. He said she presented like men do with prostate cancer but she has the wrong plumbing. He performed a breast exam and didn't feel anything. Therefore she is a mystery. I figured it was a good sign that no one could feel anything when doing a breast exam but I wasn't getting my hopes up. While we were talking I pulled out some food so Dad and I could eat. While we were talking my mom was expressing her concern about her "filthy" house. I kept telling her not to worry about it.

I was thrilled she gets to go home and the ER visit was everything I hoped and wished for. Our objective was to get the ball rolling and get an Oncologist and some testing done. We have done just that. Monday Mom needed to call the Oncologist office and have them schedule a bone biopsy.

I helped my mom get dressed (which didn't make her very happy... she said, "I can do this.") and listen to Stacy review the discharge paperwork. When reviewing the medications my mom asked when she can have the next pain pill. Stacy said "Now if you want to." I told mom it would be a good idea to take one now and she said "OK!" My jaw just dropped. OK?! Now I knew my mom was really hurting when she said that.

I packed up and headed to my parents house. I was pulling out of the ER parking lot when I called Brian and did a conference call with Erin. I informed them Mom was going home and then talked about how we really need to pull together as siblings. I expressed my feeling on mom dying. Erin started raising her voice and yelling, "Danielle, don't say that!" and started to cry. I told her I don't want her to be taken by surprise and I wasn't sure when she was going to die. I said we needed to be strong for Mom and Dad. It was a tough conversation but we all agreed to be there for our parents and we were going to start by holding a family fast tomorrow.

Heading up my parents road I saw Matt standing on the Mooneys porch with Mary Ann and Timmy. I stopped the truck and went over to say hello. Mary Ann gave me the biggest hug I have ever been given by her and she just held me as we both started to cry. We talked for a little while and informed them of the fast we were going to do and they too were going to participate.

Mom and Dad made it home and my mom started cleaning dishes and picking up the kitchen a little. I wasn't too please. I told her to stop and she wouldn't. She said, "I am not dead yet!" I informed her that the concern of her doing things was not because of the cancer. I told her she forgets she had two big events happen, 1 the car accident and 2 the cancer diagnosis. She is currently hurting from the car accident and she doesn't need to overdo it. I ran to her room to start laundry because I knew that’s what she would be doing next. My Dad came to help and informed me that he wasn’t an invalid and he could do things too. I told him I knew but he also had a lot on his plate.

I had both kids asleep and after some time my Mom decided to go and take a nap. My Dad went in to tuck her in and when he walked out of the room and shut the door, I watched as he walked to the opening of the basement and placed his arm up against the wall, his head following and tears come out. I let him sit there for a second and then went over and grabbed him, turned him around and placed my arms around him. Through his tears he said, "Oh, Danielle." I was so hard to see my Dad like this. I have always known he wanted to die first and now he was going to watch his wife die before him. I do believe it was shortly after this moment when he sat down on the couch and told me that the kids would be better off if this was him and not my mom going through this. I felt many of his insecurities starting to come out. I tried to comfort him and tell him he is a great Father and Grandpa and he kept saying, "Ya, because of your mom!" I knew this was true and tried to tell him he would be ok.

A short while later my dad went and ran some errands. I figured this was the best time for me to clean the house. So I picked a few things up and started dusting. The phone rang several times and so I had some interruptions in my cleaning. A few of the calls were my parent’s Stake President, Joe Johnson wanting the scoop on things. After talking for some time he stopped and asked me what he could do and then he started chuckling and said, " I know what you are thinking...ya you could release my Dad." I laughed and said, Ya that would be nice and proceeded to say that it would be really good if he talked to my Dad. I asked Joe to call my Dad on his cell phone and then ended the conversation. Another call was Don and Corrine. I informed her we did want to do a family fast and to spread the word. They had some paperwork they wanted to go over with mom and asked me to call when she got up. By then Dad had come back from his errands and said that Beth had lined up dinners for tonight, Sunday and Monday and then decided to take a nap.

When I finished dusting Brian and Crystal walked through the door and shortly after Don and Corrine. They had brought pizza and dessert with them. They stayed and visited for some time, and many tears were shed. Then Aunt Beth and Angie came over with a really good dinner. We were all starving and were grateful for the food. They stayed and played with the babies while we ate. Aunt Beth asked us what our wishes were in regards to telling people because she has had several calls asking and telling her what they have heard. It was kinda funny because a lot of people found out but with the wrong possible diagnosis. It ranged from lung cancer to brain cancer. We all turned to my mom since it was her call. She said she didn't care who knew. At that point my Dad decided he needed to make an announcement at the end of sacrament. We ended the evening with several visitors and multiple phone calls. It was a very busy night and full of sadness and tears. There was such a black cloud hanging over the house and the only ray of sunshine were the kiddos-Brielle, Miles and Eva.

Brielle has really struggled since my mom’s accident. She has always been very sensitive to emotions and knew something wasn't right. She also didn't like that Oma wasn't able to play with her the way she normally does and this turned her world upside down. She was a little whiny and acted out a little. However given the situation she was pretty good.

Sunday was hard. I knew I couldn't fast and really wanted to. Thankfully the kids woke up early enough that we could get everyone ready and make it to my parents ward in time. We walked in and saw my Mom sitting next to MaryAnn Mooney and noticed I was the only sibling there. (It kinda made me chuckle to think that I beat my siblings when I live the furthest away and have 2 kids to get ready. ) Anyway, the meeting started and my brother and sister did show up. We sat there as a family which felt really good. The talks were FANTASTIC. Both speakers talked about fasting and the miracles that occurs because of fasting. It was very comforting to hear, knowing we were praying for a miracle. Then the moment came. Mike was conducting and he stood at the pulpit and BAWLED like a baby (I have NEVER seen this). We all started to cry. Mike was able to gather his emotions enough to turn the time over to my Dad. I was SO impressed with how well my dad was able to handle the situation. He broke the news that mom probably has cancer and asked for the love and support from the ward. The spirit there was SO strong. I am SO grateful we were all able to experience that together as a family.

Matt had to get back to our ward to do some church business. On our way home he said he still needed a female to say the closing prayer. I told him I would do it. He wasn't too sure if that was a good idea but I insisted. I felt that if I couldn't fast it was the least I could do for the day. Church for us didn't start for another couple of hours so I put Brielle down for a nap and called some more people to tell them the news and to think. While I was thinking and making theses phone calls I just couldn't help but explain to people the feelings I was having. I would tell people I wasn't ready to lose my mom, I am too young to lose her. I would also explain how blessed I felt we were. This week I personally felt the heavens were opened up and blessings just poured upon my family. I couldn't deny the fact that I knew my Heavenly Father was aware of my family. There was no doubt he didn't know what we were going through and that he was looking after us. At one point in time I was talking to someone and said that I was ready to accept the Lords will and if it was my moms time to go then I was ok with that. I just begged and pleaded with the Lord to bless me with the strength to endure. It made me sad to think that I may lose my mom and I feel I would lose a lot of my identity for awhile. It was the first time in my life where I have been so willing to accept the Lords plan and I felt comforted (doesn't mean it didn't make it easier to deal with at the time). I have always turned to my mom for strength, guidance, direction, love, support, laughter etc. She has always been my venting ear and been willing to listen and help me work through my problems. However this week I felt I couldn't turn to her to do any of those things and for the first time I turned to my husband for all the above. For the first time I really learned to appreciate my husband’s love, advice, listening ear, support, laughter, strength etc. For the first time I fully gave myself to my husband. This week was a huge turning point for my marriage and my relationship between my mom and I. I don't want to burden my mom with silly things but I still need to get it off my chest. Matt has done a wonderful job in stepping in and being there for me. How grateful I am for that.

When I went to sacrament people were floored that I was there with Miles and doing so well. I don't think I would have brought a 6 day old to church if it weren't for the given situation. However I felt it wasn't right to be everywhere (hospitals, shopping, my parents ward) and not go to church. I knew no one would really understand except for a few people that knew about my mom. I was really surprised how nervous I became as sacrament was coming to a close and I knew I was going to be saying the prayer. I became very emotional during the closing song (I am thinking, "Great!" This is going to look bad"). I pulled myself together and walked up to the pulpit confident. As I stood there I had to fight the emotions off again and I couldn't talk. At this point I was becoming a little embarrassed. I finally pulled through and said the prayer. It was hard but I did it. Later Matt told me how much grief people gave him for making me say the closing prayer but I was very grateful for the opportunity.

I left after sacrament and headed over to my parents house where we hung out and had several visitors again that night. It was really hard because my deepest desire was to have some one-on-one time with my mom. I wanted to know where she stood on things. I wanted to know what she was thinking. I wanted her to comfort me and I wanted to be selfish and have her all to myself. However that didn't happen and it was really hard on me. I didn't ever say anything or push it because this situation wasn't about me. For once in my life I had to step aside and not have my mom focus on me. I needed to be strong for her and do whatever she needed me to do. I knew she wouldn't ask me to do anything so I would just start doing things I knew she normally would do. I was grateful I was able to provide such a service to my mother and it made me feel good to.

Not only am I trying to deal with my mom but I also had a newborn. Poor Miles I feel my attention has not been very focused on him. He hasn't been neglected because there are so many people around he is always being held. However, I am not as attentive as I should be especially with his bili blanket. It's been a hit and miss on when he is under the blanket. However, his color is looking better so I haven't stressed it very much. It's just a pain to deal with and another stress I don't want to have right now. It feels more like a burden than anything despite the good it is doing for him.

Black Friday

Today was our second day home as a family. It was nice having Matt home playing with Brielle and helping her adjust to having Miles around. It was a busy morning because I had to take Miles to get a lab draw for his bilirubin and then I had an appointment with Dr. Najami at 10:15.

The lab draw was an adventure in and of it itself. Miles woke up at 6:30 so I figured I had enough time to feed him, get ready to go and be there before 8:00. However it took me forever to get out the door between feeding, and dressing and getting myself ready, I was out later than I wanted. The biggest problem was I got lost. I have always driven across town to the Lab Corp over off Baring Blvd but I didn't have the time this morning nor did I find it appropriate. So I looked up the closest Lap Corp and couldn't find it. After driving all the way down Sixth Street and to the Truckee River I discovered I passed it right at the beginning. Oops. I sign in and start digging for my insurance card and can't find it. GREAT! I am already late and now I don't think they will serve me because I don't have my insurance card. Then I remember I never got it back from the doctors office the day before. SHOOT! I informed the front desk that I didn't have my insurance card and she asked if I had used Lab Corp before. Of course. So then they were going to call over to Baring's office but their telephone lines were down. I suggested they call the doctors office (which they did) and I didn't have to be sent away. Thank goodness.

Lap Corp handed me a little hot packet to stick on Miles heel to warm it up and increase the blood flow to that area. It didn't take very long to be called back because it was a STAT order. I didn't think it was that big of a deal to get poked but the lady poked the wrong foot, squeezed it to death and then had to poke the other foot. Miles was so done by the time she finished. I couldn't believe the troubles this lady was having. I almost said, "Here let me do it myself." But I didn't.

We finished up at Lap Corp and ran over to the pediatricians office to get my insurance card and headed home. I made it home just in time to feed Miles and while Matt dropped Brielle off to the Jolley's. Matt picked me up and off we went to Dr. Najami's office. This was a nice visit because the nurse we really like from the office came into the room and chatted with us and checked out the baby. She stayed until Najami walked in. I informed the doctor that I was running a little fever, I ached really bad when I wasn't on Motrin, I was extremely cold the day before, my discharge doesn't seem right, and I was afraid I had an infection. She didn't disagree and said that she wanted to put me on antibiotics just in case I did have an infection. She said it's the perfect antibiotic for any "itis" infection.

We went and ran some errands since we didn't have Brielle. Meanwhile I had remembered that the doctors office was going to call me and tell me the result of the bilirubin lab and if I needed to continue the bili blanket or not. So I called to see if I had missed their call, which I had not, and I gave them my cell phone number.

We went and picked up Brielle and hung out with the Jolley's a little bit. It was fun to see all the kids get so excited about the baby. We didn't want to stay long because I was trying to catch my parents before they took off for girls camp. Back in the truck we went and ran over to my parents. We ended up staying longer than expected. Corrine was heading over with some food for us and it was fun introducing the new baby to her. As a result my parents didn't get away until after three (an hour or so later later than they wanted to). We locked up the house and headed home ourselves. On my way home I called my mom to apologize for keeping them so late and how it was nice to see them, and to drive safe.

Brielle fell asleep on the way home and stayed asleep. One of the "things to do before the baby comes" that didn't get accomplished, because I was early, was grocery shopping. So Matt decided to go to Walmart to pick up my prescription and get some food. I still had not heard from the doctor’s office and tried to call again for the results. They asked me to call if I had not heard from them by four. I seriously hate the waiting game.

I was feeding Miles when Matt called and asked if I had heard from my parents. Right there I knew something was wrong and I responded, "No, why what happen?" That's when he informed me Mom and Dad got in an accident and totaled Grandpa Ross's truck. I FREAKED OUT! I started bawling and was so concerned about my mom and her back. Matt informed me he needed to come home and get the truck and go pick them up. Matt tried to calm me down but all I wanted to do was call my Dad's phone and talk to them. Luckily my dad picked up. I started to cry and asked if they were ok. He informed me they were 'ok.' I asked him what had happen and he said there was a dry lake bed out in Cold Springs. The wind was so strong it picked up the alkaline dirt and created black out conditions. As a result he rear ended some one. I asked him what I needed to do about girl’s camp, who I needed to contact. He wasn't sure. He was close to Mom and handed her the phone, once she picked up I started bawling again asking if she was ok and how sorry I was for making them late. She told me she was sore but ok and I needed to calm down and tell Matt to hurry up. I told her Matt was going to pick up the truck and come and get them.

I got off the phone and called Corrine right away. I wasn't sure if Don was going up to girls camp so I informed her of the news and she said Don wasn't going. She wasn't too sure who was heading up or who we should call. I got off the phone and called Mary Ann Mooney for Roger's cell number. I called Roger since he is the bishop of the 5th ward and hoped he was heading up to girl’s camp. Once he picked up I started bawling again. In fact Roger couldn't even understand me so he had to ask who he was talking to. I finally gained enough composure to ask him if he was going up to girl’s camp. He said he was and he had just left! I informed him of what had happen to my parents and he said he would pull over when he saw them. I just begged and pleaded with him that he figured something out so my Dad did not have to drive up there again the next day. He said they would take care of things. I was SO grateful for him. I felt so much better knowing that Roger was going to be there. Shortly after getting off the phone my mom called (sounding very distressed) and asked where Matt was. This really shook me up and I started crying again and saying, "He is coming, he just needs to pick up the truck and he will be there." Repeating it several times. She just keep saying,

just come get me, I want to go home." I felt so helpless. I had Miles in my arms and Brielle sound asleep and I couldn't help her. I called Matt back and said, "Where are you! You have to go and get them." He informed me he was checking out and would be there soon. I tried to tell him to just leave his cart and come home.

It felt like forever before Matt walked in with all the groceries. Norma and Lisa came in behind him with their arms full of food, beautiful flowers, a gift and a balloon. Matt took off and Norma and Lisa came over to look at the baby and show me pictures of the family reunion. I opened their gift that was a cute outfit. Meanwhile I was trying to balance several phone calls in between our visit. I felt bad because she was trying to figure out what I wanted her to do with dinner and I was so distraught still, I kept saying, "I don’t know, I think I will wait for Matt." At 4:44 Matt sent me a picture of what the truck looked like. The front end was pretty smashed up. Shorty after the text from Matt he called and informed me that mom was taken to the hospital by REMSA and they are heading to Renown. I FREAKED OUT again and wanted to jump in the car right then and head to the hospital. Shortly after that phone call the pediatricians office called, it was the doctor calling about the lab result. He informed me that the bilirubin level was still 13.1 and I needed to keep him under the lights all weekend long. I starting crying and apologized (I am sure he was thinking I had lost it) I tried to explain why I was crying and then asked what kind of follow up I needed to do. He said to make an appointment on Monday to see the doctor, by then Dr. Zucker would be back.

The phone rang again and it was Roger. He too informed me that my mom was going to the hospital. My mom was in good hands and was well taken care of. He proceeded to tell me that when he arrived on scene the highway patrol was a guy he went to high school with. He knew the fire crew and once they saw him (Roger) on scene their care became personal. He also informed me there were several car accidents on that road.

When I got off the phone, once again I felt stuck. I didn't know what to do. I had Norma and Lisa there, Brielle was still asleep, I have a 4 day old baby and I really want to go to the hospital and be there with my mom. I felt really bad but I asked Norma and Lisa if they wouldn't mind staying at the house and watching Brielle while I went to the hospital. They were so kind and told me to go and they would stay. They even offered to watch Miles but I felt that I better take him.

I quickly packed up and headed out the door. My initial thought was I need to get there because mom is going to freak out being in the hospital by herself. I figured it would take Dad and Matt some time before they get to the hospital so the least I could do is be there with Mom. I called Matt to see where he was and much to my surprise he said he was in the Renown waiting room. Really? He said they weren't with mom because she hasn't been assigned a room yet and they were just waiting to hear where she was. I told him I was on my way and he asked me not to come because there wasn't anything I could do. I know he was looking out for the best interest of Miles but there is no way I could sit at home just stirring and wondering what was going on. I needed to be there with my Mom.

I haven't been to Renown since they have remodeled. I thought I was at the front entrance of the ER but Matt couldn't find me. Come to find out I was in the wrong spot. Goes to show you how much I was paying attention. By the time I arrived my mom had a room, howeve, she wasn't there. My first item of business was to give my Dad a huge hug. I noticed his ears and clothes were covered in dirt but I didn't care. I was engulfed by his arms and I just started crying telling him I was SO sorry for making him late it was my fault they were even in that situation. I felt it was all my fault. Once I calmed down stopped embracing him, I asked where Mom was and he said he didn't know. We asked a couple people and they didn't know where she was either. It felt like forever but it was probably 10 minutes before I saw my mom being rolled down the hallway. She was in c-spine precautions so she had the neck brace on and the backboard underneath her. When she got closer I could she how filthy dirty she was. Her face, hair, clothes-everything was caked with dirt. The first thing I said to her was, "Wow Mom you look HOT!" We both chuckled. She was happy to see everyone in the room.

I was hoping Matt's cousin Jamie was working. She is an ER nurse at Renown but I found out she was out of town. I called her anyway because I was curious to know the routine and what the blue section meant. She said we were in the trauma section of the ER. She informed me that all test results should be back in an hour from the time my mom arrived to the room. If we don't hear from a doctor by then we should be harping on the nurse to get the ball rolling. I felt that was very helpful information so we weren't sitting in the ER forever.

My mom was in pain but she was trying to be tough (like she always does). I made Matt hit the nurses light so she can get some pain medication. When the nurse first walked in my mom wasn't going to say anything but I informed her she needed some pain medication. She asked where my moms pain was and she said from her neck all the way down to her legs. The board was really uncomfortable and my mom told the nurse she thinks if she could get off the board she would feel better. My mom would try to wiggle around to get comfortable but it wasn't working. I would get after her because she shouldn't be moving much until we had results.

My mom felt really gross being so dirty. She had Matt wash her face off and we were able to get something to wash her mouth out. She wasn't allowed to eat or drink just in case she had to go into surgery. Eventually the nurse came back in with another nurse and told her she could be taken off the backboard. It helped ease the pain a little.

Miles was getting hungry so I started to feed him. Right after I started to nurse the doctor came back into the room and asked all of us to leave. He wanted to talk to my mom alone. I thought that was really weird but I am not too familiar with ER protocol. I just figured he wanted to ask her some questions and didn't want the pressure of everyone around. My mom felt bad that I had just started nursing and I had to go into the hall. She asked if I could stay and he said no. So we all shuffled out into the hallway and the doctor closed the door. My Dad got really antsy and kept asking why he did that. He didn’t think that was a good sign and that something wasn’t right. He decided to distract himself and call Lynn to inform her. It didn't take very long until he opened the door and let us in. I walked in and knew something wasn't right. Her body language was different. I don't even know how to describe it other than she look like she was numb and she didn't like what was said. I ran over to the bedside and asked what the doctor had said. She just said, "I don't want to say." I didn't want to wait so I started naming things off what the doctor might have said. She kept saying no to everything I suggested. I wasn't comfortable with the situation and my dad was still on the phone with Lynn. I started getting after him to say good-bye so Mom could tell us. She informed us we needed to wait for the doctor.

I sat down on the chair and the doctor came in. He informed us that the CAT scan didn't show any breaks or trauma from the accident. But it did show lesions throughout her spine and pelvis that appear to be metastatic cancer. He could have said something after that but I didn't hear anything. I went into shock, my hand immediately went to my mouth and I was yelling, "NO, NO" bawling my head off (I seriously could have won an Oscar for my performance; it was a perfect movie scene). My crying was uncontrollable. I just remember the doctor leaving and apologizing for giving us bad news and my dad collapsing next to the gurney, shaking his head and tearing up (funny side story, my dad hit his head on the gurney when he collapse, we seriously thought he was going to get a black eye). He turned to her and said, "Is that what that pain is that you have been complaining about?" and mom was shaking her head yes. I also remember thinking, I should and need to be strong. My mom should not see me like this. I opened the door and went into the hallway. I still had Miles in my arms and I just leaned against the wall sobbing. I had a million emotions going on. I was shocked, sad and so angry. I had told her for years to get her scans (mammogram and colonoscopy). I informed her I would be SO mad if she got cancer and hadn’t kept up on her scans. Sure enough that anger was there. Then there was guilt for being so angry and sadness with the thought of losing my mother.

The ER folks were super kind and brought me a chair to sit in and some Kleenex. I stayed in the hallway for some time trying to gain my composure. I did calm down and was able to go back into the room. I couldn't look at my mom or I would lose it again and I was so angry still I didn't want to look at her. But I wanted to look at her because I thought she was going to die and I was going to miss her. It was crazy the million emotions that was flowing through me.

From that point on it is kinda a blur. I know Dad called Brian and broke the news to him. He wanted to pack up and come home. However Dad discouraged him from traveling tonight and to head out in the morning. Erin was heading to a concert up at Lake Tahoe so I called her to tell her that mom was ok from the accident and to call when she was done with the concert. We felt that she should be told in person by either mom or dad but we wanted her to enjoy her concert.

The doctor came in and said she could go home, but he wanted her to walk first and contact her primary care doctor before she left. While we were waiting I went and asked if I could see the CAT scan images. The doctor was kind enough to show Matt and I. There were lesions everywhere on her pelvis and up her back ranging from small to large. It was shocking to see. I went back to the room and started tearing up again and informed mom it didn't look good, they were everywhere and there were several.

Some time had passed the doctor came back in and said that he talked to the person on call. The ER doctor asked my mom if she wanted to be admitted and start doing a work-up for cancer. Everyone but my mom jumped in and said yes. He stopped, looked at us and said, "it is her decision, not yours." At that time I just beg and pleaded with my mom, saying, “you have waited long enough, please lets get started." She was hesitant because she really wanted to take a shower. I told her she could shower here. She agreed to stay.

The Doctor left to start the admitting process when the thought came that she really should be over at Saint Marys because of insurance. This changed everything. My dad went and told the doctor and he wasn't sure what he should do. I told him to direct admit her. Thinking that was going to happen I called over to Saint Marys Oncology department and talked to the charge nurse. It happened to be Tara whom I love and trusted. I informed her of the situation and asked if our "big" room was open. It was, and I asked if she could save it for my mom.

I informed my parents what I had done and felt comfortable enough to go home for awhile. I needed to let Norma and Lisa go home. I was still full of emotions so I couldn't really hug my mom, I kinda gave her a pat and Matt walked me out. We both broke down in tears (the first time Matt cried since the news) and talked as we headed out to the car. I kept saying, " I can't lose my mom, I don't know what I would do without her, I am going to be so lost, poor Brielle." All those things kept running through my mind.

I wasn't sure if my mom wanted anyone to know so I had to toughen up and act like everything was ok when I got home. It was very challenging to put a smile on my face and say my mom was ok, but I did. Merlin was at the house so I let him hold Miles. I wasn't in the frame of mind to take pictures of Merlin and Norma with Miles. It didn't take very long for them to pack up and leave.

Matt called and informed me they had arrived to my parents house. He wanted to let me know they were thinking of not going to the hospital because they were going to have to re-admit her from the ER...they didn't direct admit her. They were afraid if they went they were not going to be admitted and she didn't want to sit there in pain for nothing. I really struggled with the idea of her not going. My objective of being admitted was getting the ball rolling and getting an Oncologist and starting some tests. I called Tara and gave her the update and asked what I should do, if I should push her to go or not. We decided that if she didn't want to go we wouldn't push it.

The night was tough at home, alone with a newborn and Brielle and being an emotional wreck. I never broke down while I was at home but Brielle is very sensitive and I know she could sense something was wrong. On top of that she was starving. The two created a nasty combination and she was out of control, trying to hit Miles and acting out. I couldn't handle it. I called Matt to find out where he was and he informed me that he and my dad were heading up to Grandpa and Grandma's house to break the news. It was going to be awhile. That was not what I wanted to hear, I needed his help but he needed to be there for my Dad. So I got off the phone and figured I would pack up and head over to my parents. If they weren't going to go to ER I wanted to spend the night. I wanted to be close to my mom. Having to suck up my emotions and having some time away from the situation helped my anger to disappear and my sorrow and love come forward. So I ran around the house like a chicken with its head cut off trying to remember everything I needed to take. I packed as if we were going to stay the night, I packed up food people had brought in for the baby, I packed the bili blanket and portable bassinette and threw everything and the kids into the car.

When I arrived at my parents Aunt Corrine and Uncle Don were there. I unloaded all of my stuff. Matt informed me that my parents decided to go to the hospital, that was great news! My mom had taken a shower and was feeling a little better. While she was putting on her makeup in the bath room I had a chance to talk to her. I asked her to please be honest with me and tell me how she was feeling. She teared up a little and said, "I think I am going to die. I really do and I am ok with that." She proceeded to say that her only desire is that her kids live righteous enough so we can all be together again. She said she was more grateful now then ever for the plan of salvation. She begged me to make sure Brielle knows how much her Grandma loved her and to tell her that everyday. I was saddened by her words and felt what she was saying was very true. I was surprised by the overwhelming sense of peace while she was talking. I felt that if she died it was going to be really tough but we would be ok.

It was getting to the point where the concert should be over. I called Erin again and she said it was almost done. I suggested she come straight home because we had something to tell her. I fed everyone and my parents took off. I called Tara back and let her know she was coming. She informed me that ER was aware she might come and so was bed control.

I left the food at my parents and the portable bassinette but packed everything else back up and headed home. I called Erin again and informed her Mom was at the hospital again. I didn't want her to be by herself so I suggested she stay at our house. After a few more conversations with my parents, I called Erin back and told her to go to Saint Marys ER.

Dad called and said the ER nurse wanted to talk to me. There was confusion with the room. The nurse got on the phone and I asked what was going on. I guess my mom had told them they had a room reserved, so they were confused thinking she was a direct admit. I informed her I was a nurse on 3NE and had talked to the charge nurse on Oncology and asked her to save the room for my mom if she was admitted. She was not a direct admit. Then I didn't hear anything until around I think after midnight. Dad called and said they were going to admit her! YIPPEE! We said good-night. I put Miles back onto the Bili blanket and we got ready for bed.

I cried some more with Matt before falling asleep. I did ok until early that morning around five when Miles woke up for a feeding and diaper change. Once I put Miles back to bed I just broke down sobbing again thinking of the dreaded doom I felt was coming. I couldn't bear the thought of losing my mom. Looking at my children and thinking they would never know my mom just broke my heart. Matt woke up to my sobs and cuddled with me and I was able to fall back to sleep.

Our day together

My pediatrician was out of town so we were going to see Dr. Clark. Our appointment was at 10:20 and we barely made it there. It's going to take a little adjusting to two kids. My milk also came in this morning and I was defiantly remembering the fullness feeling.

They weighed him and found he was back to his birth weight. Dr. Clark was impressive with a weight gain, turned to me and said, "good job Mom!" He didn't feel it necessary to do any blood work today because there probably wouldn't be any change since he hasn't been under the light for very long. So he wrote an order to do blood work for first thing in the morning. He specifically asked me to have it done before 8AM. As we were getting Miles dressed the doctor walked back in and gave Brielle a sticker for being so good. What a nice guy!

We decided to stop at Home Depot on the way home to buy a fan for Miles room. Matt found one that made him think of planes and it went with the decor. We bought it and off home we went.

It was SO nice being home as our little family. Matt worked really hard to finish the nursery. I think he did an AWESOME job. I love it and hope Miles likes it, if not his sister sure does.

This morning I woke up a little achy and thought, this just isn't right. The thought came to mind that I may be running a fever but it is masked by the around the clock Motrin. I decided to try to stay off it when it was due and see what happen. I tried to take a nap but wasn't feeling very good, I just couldn't get comfortable and I was FREEZING! It was 100 degrees outside and I went out and sat on the porch to warm up. It felt SO good. I took my temperature and it was 99 something. I was aching everywhere, down to my bones. I had never felt that way. I HURT! I decided at that moment I better call my OB. Just my luck she was out of the office for the day but they wanted me to come in first thing Friday morning. I was fine with that and went back on my Motrin. Once it kicked in my temperature broke, I was able to take a nap and I felt good again.

The Jolley's brought dinner by late afternoon. It was fun showing off the baby to the kids. Each one of them got to hold the baby. They were our only visitors for the day.

I having being telling my mom and Matt about how different it is the second time around. I feel we have more support and love and service given unto us then we did with Brielle. Which is weird because we were expecting it the first time with Brielle and not with Miles. I also felt SO good that I felt bad having people help. However the support, love and service has been greatly appreciated and I feel so loved. It's been a great postpartum.

Here are pictures of the nursery completed.

I love the Aviator jacket hanging up.

The planes hanging from the ceiling-we have 4 of them surrounding the fan.

Postpartum Hosptial Stay

Throughout the night the nurse would come in and assess the baby. At one point in time she said he was starting to get a little jaundice. My morning started off with lab coming in and doing blood work. Shortly after, the nurse came in to get Miles because Dr. Knight aka Uncle Melvin was here to assess him and do his circumcision. He came in and talked to me about the risks and benefits of the surgery and I signed the consent. He said that the baby looked a little more jaundice (the baby's' lab work wasn't back yet). He said Miles was slightly positive coombs-meaning I have a different blood type then Miles and they mixed at delivery. Thus the jaundice occurring. He left to do the circumcision and came back to report that the bilirubin was rising but didn't need treatment yet. We would continue to monitor, do another lab test later in the afternoon and again in the morning. I asked if by some miracle if the levels go down I could go home that night, he said it was unlikely and planned on keeping him one more day. I was bummed. Last time with Brielle I felt I needed another day but this time I really wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed and be home with Brielle.

Matt had to get up and go over to Renown to give someone a blessing by 7AM so I found myself alone in the room. The OB Dr. Chotnier rounded on me. I asked if he was concerned about me getting an infection due to the procedures the day before. He said the risk was low. I also asked him again that what happen doesn't place me high risk for the next baby and he once again said no, it's specific to this pregnancy. I figured I would take advantage of the time and try to sleep after breakfast. It never failed that right when I fell asleep, I was woken up. I had someone call my room twice asking for a patient that had already been discharged-he didn't get it the first time I told him.ERR! Finally I gave up on the thought of sleeping.

The day was very relaxing and quite. We didn't have any visitors all day. The only person that really came into my room was the hearing screen lady. They changed the way they perform hearing test and it's not done in the room. It was pretty funny because I was talking with the lady and a few minutes into testing she stops and says, "Oh! WE are done!" She acted surprised. I commented on her reaction and she informed me that they are happy if the babies pass in ten minutes, but he passed his hearing test in 3 minutes! My little man has good ears. It made me chuckle.

I waited until the afternoon to take a shower. I was so afraid it was going to tucker me out and I would be done for the day. I wanted to make sure Matt was around just in case I needed help. However my shower experience was opposite of my expectations. The shower was rejuvenating and felt SO good. I was surprised how much energy I had after the shower. As the day went on the better I felt. Once I stopped using ice packs I noticed how little I was bleeding-it was shocking really. Heck so far I was SO excited how my postpartum was going-little bleeding and more energy!

That night Brian, Crystal, Eva, G.pa Hicks, Erin, Mom,Dad and Brielle came to visit and have dinner with me. It was fun having everyone there. Brielle was more willing to see me now that I didn't have an IV nor machines all around. I was happy my little girl came to me. When she first walked through the door I made sure I spent some one-on-one time with her. We looked out the window at the water, and walked to the kitchen to get juice that she could drink. I missed her so much and couldn't wait to go home to be all together in surroundings she was comfortable with.

Brian and Crystal didn't stay for dinner. They wanted to get out before it got too dark and before Eva's next feeding. It was great to have them come up for a short visit. I loved having the whole family around.

Matt took Brielle home to put her to bed and Erin was the last one to leave that night. I stayed up blogging some more and just hanging out until Matt came back. We didn't go to bed until around midnight. Miles woke up just a handful of times to eat. He is a better feeder than Brielle so far. He sucks like he should but he does favor my left side. Funny because Brielle favored my right.


Brielle likes having the glove blown up.

She was getting restless so my distraction was my i-phone game. She was pretty happy after that.

The siblings: Brian, Danielle, Erin with their kids Eva, Brielle and Miles

Wow baby mania

My parents with the grandkids.

Grandparents and Grandkids

I LOVE this picture, the kids starting crying so why not join??

Auntie with the babies

My second night on postpartum was better than the first because I could move without needing help. The pain in my stomach had gone down and now it's just a little nag. I still have discomfort in my back and am using heated blankets as well as the Mortin. I have decided to stay on that all the time for awhile. It's my only pain medication and it works really well. I was told with the second baby your contractions are more intense when breastfeeding but so far I haven't experienced that. Miles is still sleeping pretty good but I still didn't get much sleep- I just couldn't get comfortable. Because Miles has been really sleepy it's been hard to breastfeed as often as they would like. In fact I didn't wake him up enough which probably wasn't a good thing considering the jaundice issue.

The morning labs for miles bilirubin jumped from 8 something to 13.1 and his weight dropped to 6 lbs 9 oz. Melvin felt it was time to start treating the bilirubin and felt we could be discharged home with a bili blanket for phototherapy. I had to follow up with my pediatrician first thing in the morning. Now the blue spectrum light helps break down bilirubin so the liver can metabolize it more easily. Infants livers are not mature enough to break down enough bilirubin in the blood and thats why the levels rise. However with phototherapy tends to be enough to fix the problem, and eventually the liver kicks in and starts working better.

Dr. Farringer, (Najami's partner) rounded on me. I asked him if my pathology report was back, but it wasn't. I also informed him that my biggest complaint was my back really hurting from the epidural. He took a look and said that I could have discomfort for several months! That really shocked me. Oh well, the epidural was well worth the discomfort I was having to deal with. I figure it is residual effect from him placing it in the wrong spot the first time.

I was super excited to go home. The bili blanket was delivered to the room and I was shocked with how small it is now. Seriously the size of a 12 oz bottle. They said it was a prototype and only two companies in the U.S. had them. I was happy it wasn't as large as the previous blankets.

I felt really good and curled my hair and got ready for the day. My mom brought Brielle over and we waited for discharge paperwork. Meanwhile, Liz Warner happen to run into Matt in the hallways and she swung by to say hello. Right after lunch we were free to go! Yippee!

I didn't take a Motrin before I left and started feeling pretty yucky by the time I made it home. I was achy and hurting. Matt ran to the store and picked up Motrin for me. By the time I got it in me I was done for. My mom helped me get settled in. Meanwhile Matt was running around trying to put up the co-sleeper and a few other things so they were ready and then we all went down for a nap. We were finally able to get a 2 hour nap which help SO much. I continued to feel really good as long as I remained on Motrin and when it was almost time for another dose, I could feel it. I don't remember feeling this way with Brielle.

The rest of the day was pretty calm. We were all happy to be home. My visiting teachers brought us dinner that night. It was a WONDERFUL meal with the most delicious and fresh bread. YUMMY. Dessert was root beer floats. They also gave me a balloon and a card which was super sweet of them. On top of that, Susan does daycare and offered to take Brielle whenever I needed her to.

The bili blanket is small but SO bright and very noisy. What I compare the noise to is like a very noisy baby monitor that you can't turn down. Matt tucked the motor under the bed which helped muffle it a little. The light is blinding at night and I hated having to change his diaper. I am just grateful to be home and treating it.

Brielle found great joy in jumping off the chair and into Oma's arms.

Miles in the Bili bed while we were in the hospital.

Getting ready

Breille was SO cute. She would push her nose against the bassinet and say, "Hi baby!"

Getting ready to go home.

Packed and ready to head out the door. Once I sat in the wheelchair Brielle started BAWLING. I think she was afraid I was going somewhere else. She didn't like it at all.

Waiting for the elevator.

My miracle baby

Today wasn't the typical Sunday routine. Matt took care of Brielle in the morning, I fed her a snack and then put her down for a nap. She didn't fall asleep until 12:20 and took almost a 3 hour nap, which meant I missed church. However, it was a very relaxing calm day and I sat around the house most the day.
That night I crawled into bed and right before I drifted away I felt this weird sensation coming down and then my garments were slightly wet. I laid there for a moment and thought, "Well that was weird" thinking maybe it was just more discharge (I've had a ton this pregnancy). I then reached down and discovered I needed to get up and change my underwear. Sitting on the toilet the thought came to me, "Did my water just break?" So I sat there a little longer and nothing else came. Just in case, I tried to call Matt to grab me new underwear but he was fast asleep. I finally got up and as I was opening up the drawer Matt wakes up. I told him "Perfect timing!" and crawled back into bed. I didn't really say much because I was so confused on what just happened. I thought I better look at the clock to see what time it is, just in case that really was my water that broke. Several thoughts ran through my head before another gush came and this time it soaked me. There was no question that my water just broke. I jumped out of bed and back into the bathroom. This time I was wet and had a bloody show. Matt followed me into the bathroom and I just said, "Oh crap, my water just broke AGAIN!" Matt's look was like a deer in headlights. He just kept saying "No, are you sure?" And I kept saying, "Yep, it really did." I asked him to grab the phone and I called my Mom. Matt sat down in front of me and just started to shake. He literally went into shock. I kept saying, "Matt you have to get up and pack now" and he would just sit there. There was one moment where he said, "I don't know what to pack." I literally had to direct him step by step at the beginning while I was on the phone trying to coordinate care for Brielle.
Now let me back up a moment to explain something. I was 100% convinced that this baby was going to be late. I had just made dinner plans with the Jolley's, and had plans to go to Wild Waters with Cristy on Tuesday. I hadn't packed yet, I hadn't coordinated care for Brielle yet etc. Matt and I had decided to get serious and finish up loose ends this next week so we were ready when the baby came. In fact the whole Taylor family was up in Idaho for the family reunion.
So I am sitting on the toilet making phone calls between Brian, Erin and my Mom. I originally asked Erin to get up and come over but I was really afraid this labor might go faster and I would have the baby before Brielle woke up. Erin wanted to be in the room so if she came over and my fear was true she would miss it or she would have to find someone herself to care for Brielle. After talking to my mom I thought I would text a couple of my good friends to see if they were still awake. If I got a response maybe one of them would come over, if not Erin was would have to do it. Cristy was still awake and responded, "Yes, are you in labor?"
Mike her husband came over and stayed and planned on taking Brielle over to their house in the morning. Sweet, one less stress for me. Before we left I was so embarrassed to leave the house messy so we cleaned up. I was kinda excited because I did have a few contractions while we were home. That was huge considering I didn't have anything with Brielle. It gave me great hope. We all knew it was going to take some time so my Mom decided to try to take a nap before coming down, Erin stayed home and the plan was to keep everyone posted by phone messages.
My leaking was minimal compared to Brielle. I would only leak a little here and there, and that was only when he would move. We arrived at the hospital and got checked in at around 12:45. With Brielle it was almost like they didn't believe me when I said my water broke but this time they didn't even question me. They hooked me up to the monitor and waited until 1:45AM before coming in and doing a vaginal check. She said I was dilated to a 2.5 and 85-90 perfect effaced AND having contractions every 7-9 minutes. Matt and I both at the same time with shock in our voice said, "REALLY?" The nurse laughed and said, "don't act so surprised." But we were! That was huge progress over Brielle. Matt called my mom and informed her of the news. She informed him she couldn't really sleep and was heading down. The nurse was super nice and waited to start my IV until lab could come and draw, meaning only one poke! She asked if I wanted to start the Pitosin (Pit). I asked if we could wait because my body was actually doing something and I wanted to give it a chance. She informed me that the Pit would be started in the morning if I wasn't progressing.
I tried really hard to rest but slept for MAYBE an hour. The night was filled with visiting, blogging and facebooking. It was great! I got so much accomplished on my blog and kept everyone informed on facebook. I also discovered the internet connection is super fast in the middle of the night whereas during the day it's a slow as molasses.
I was having some contractions but they were becoming less frequent and my body was putzing out. So at 5:50 AM they started the Pit. By then I was ready to get things going and praying I could have the baby before noon so I could eat lunch...I was starving! Just as I did with Brielle, my body would respond and contract really well and then putz out again. They would have increase the pit again, and the cycle would start all over.


Shift change occurred and I could hear JoAnn's voice in the hallway. JoAnn is my sister's best friends mom from high school and I have kept in touch with her because of work. She happened to be my nurse when I went in at the end of May with my weird pain. My nurse called her in and we found out she was charge for the day. However she ended up being my primary nurse and took such great care of me. I informed her I wanted to get an epidural and I didn't want to miss my window. I asked her to be the judge on when I should get it (I was petrified I wasn't going to get it and have to go natural. I hadn't practice any of my hypnobirthing and was very UNPREPARED for a natural labor). At around 9AM JoAnn came in and informed me there was a crisis in the other room. She said I should get the epidural or else I would have to wait an hour and I could potentially miss my window. I jumped right on the opportunity for an epidural and we started to prep so the anesthesiologist could come right in and do it and leave for the other patient.

I was a little nervous about getting the epidural due to the major pressure and discomfort I felt with Brielle. The anesthesiologist came in at 9:12. Last time Matt couldn't stay in the room, this time he stayed but in the corner (maybe next time he will be the one holding my hands). I grabbed my moms hands and almost broke them because I was putting all my nervous energy into her hands. The anesthesiologist was really nice and walked me through everything he was doing. After inserting the epidural he did a trail run to see if he placed in the right spot. He informed me that if he put it into the bloodstream I would get ringing in my ears, numbness in my feet. As he is describing this I am thinking, "So far so good, quick and easy." But seconds later I started to get the weirdest sensation in my head, it wasn't so much ringing in my ears but a fullness in my head, then my heart started racing and my body started shaking. It scared me pretty good. As soon as I was feeling the fullness I said something and he pulled out the epidural. The symptoms started to fade right away but my shaking didn't. He informed me this was the first time he had the wrong spot for a year in a half...of course, leave it to me. I was so afraid to do it again but more afraid to do a natural labor so I told him to try again. This time it was successful. At 9:43 It was slowly starting to take effect and JoAnn came in and checked me (I was only dilated to a 3 and -2 station) and placed the foley, which meant I still felt the insertion of the foley. By 10 the epidural took full effect. I couldn't believe I got the epidural so early, I thought for sure I was further along. With the epidural in and being completely pain free I tried to rest again but was unsuccessful. Erin came at 10:07 to hang out and wait and my Dad arrived at 11:25. We just sat and waited and watched the contraction monitor. I hadn't seen a doctor yet but at 11:50 Dr. Najima came in to see me. She had been in surgery all morning and was having to do another 2.5hr procedure. She informed me that she would not be able to deliver if I were to have the baby between 12:30-3:30 and Dr. Chotnier was on call. She checked me and I was dilated to a 6 and 75% effaced with the Pit going at 8.

As the contraction slowed down again my dad decided to leave and get some work done. I was checked again at 12:40 and there was no change, so JoAnn increased the Pit. Around 1:00 I started to feel the contractions. I waited for a little bit then called the nurse button. Another nurse came in and informed me I had a button I could push to give me more of the epidural. So we pushed it and waited for 30 minutes, but there wasn't any change. I called again and another nurse came in. I informed her that I needed the anesthesiologist to give me more of the epidural. Finally at 2:25 the anesthesiologist came in and gave me a bolus. When he walked in he asked what I was dilated at. I informed him I was a 6 and he gave me the drugs. He hung around and talked with us for a little while and JoAnn walked in. She wasn't too thrilled to see the anesthesiologist because that meant he gave me more drugs. She informed him that she wanted him to wait because she had not check me yet, and his response was, "She told me she was at a 6." JoAnn snapped back and said, "Yah, that was hours ago." At 2:37 she checked me and found that I was crowning. She told me to hang tight and don't push. She ran out and called Najima and then Dr. Chotnier. Meanwhile Matt is calling my Dad and telling him to hurry. Dad was able to beat the doctor and at 2:59 the doctor pulled into the parking lot. He came coming into the room dressed in WHITE! Said a few things and went and changed. He informed us that we were lucky we called when we did because on his way here he was called over to Renown where someone else was ready to deliver-I had the epidural and the other lady didn't. Needless to say the doctor was in a hurry and wanted a quick delivery. However it wasn't that simple. I pushed once and the head came out, I pushed again the the body came out. Dr. Chotnier had me reach down and grab the baby and as I was pulling him up to my chest I hear him say, "Stop, stop stop! Don't go that high." I was really confused and said ok and put him on my chest. I was a little nervous because he was SO blue and wasn't crying and wasn't changing colors. I tried to wipe out his mouth and get him to cry but he wasn't. By this time I was a little panicky and handed him to the baby nurse. I couldn't really see Miles and the doctor but the nurse and mom looked really concerned. Everything is a blur at this point so I am sharing from my mother's view now.

"As I was on Danielle's right side, holding her leg and helping her push, I had a direct view of the baby's head as it turned around with Dr. Chotnier's help. As soon as the head was born, Dr. Chotnier said, 'Ok, Danielle, you can deliver the rest of the baby, put your hands right here (just below the baby's head) and pull the baby up on your belly.' Danielle didn't hesitate and placed her hands where the doctor indicated. As she pulled the baby up to her, the doctor ran the baby's umbilical cord through his hands and then said, Stop. . . stop, don't go that high! I watched as he held up nothing but a thin sheath of membrane instead of umbilical cord. His puzzled look made me curious. He and the nurse were looking at the strand of membrane and running his hands back up to the umbilical cord. He gave it some kind of medical term. I was so anxious about the baby, however, that I ran over to take a look at him. He was not breathing and it felt like the nurse took her time rubbing him with a towel and extracting the fluid from his mouth. At last she put oxygen on him and his color looked more normal.

My attention then turned back to Danielle as she was happy about the birth, as we all were, but I was there when the doctor was talking to the nurse. He had his hand up to his wrist trying to scrape the placenta out with his fingers. He had to use so much force that Danielle bounced around from the effort. He continued this procedure for about 10 minutes pulling strands of placenta out at a time.

An additional 10 minutes was devoted to cleaning out the rest of the placenta with a tool used in D&C's. The most fortunate blessing about this was the fact the anesthesiologist had just inserted enough anesthesia in the I.V. right before birth that Danielle did not have to be whisked away for the surgery directly after birth. There is no way Danielle could have withstood the pain and effort had she not been anaesthetised before hand.

As the doctor labeled the placenta, he answered questions I had about it. It was nothing like the placenta for Brielle or myself. The umbilical cord had attached to the outside membrane instead of the placenta itself. This in and of itself could have caused the baby to abort and die within minutes as well as the likelihood that Danielle could have died from internal bleeding.

Second, the spider web of veins that feed the umbilical cord was on the outside of the placenta, shaped like a small bowl instead of throughout the inside of the placenta where it normally nourishes the umbilical cord.

Third, the placenta itself was abnormal. It was shaped in clusters like old spoiled grapes. It took such an effort to remove it, that parts of it were torn in shreds.

We all slowly realized the implications of how many miracles had occurred and continued to occur during the birth. We had no idea we were so richly blessed." (Anita Hicks)

I knew things were a little off when I looked at JoAnn and she was so somber. Once the doctor finished surgically extracting my placenta and left, we asked her to describe what had just happened. As she did, she became tearful. She just kept saying, "You are SO lucky."

A few things occurred during the birth and surgery. One, Brian and Crystal arrived seconds after the delivery and they had to wait to come in until after the doctor left. Then I wasn't able to hold Miles until after the doctor was finished, it felt like eternity.

Once things settled down Cristy brought Brielle. I was so excited to see how she responded. When she walked into the room she was a little hesitant and would not come to me. The IV in my wrist and the machines freaked her out. She was more interested in food. Matt tried to show her Miles and have them interact but she wasn't interested. The only person that was successful was my mom. She was able to get Brielle to sit on her lap while holding Miles. I figured it would take time for her to warm up and the first time for something is never successful. In fact I was lucky that she even gave me a kiss goodbye.

I ended up staying in the labor room longer because I couldn't lift my left leg. Once I could kinda move it, they helped me into a wheelchair and wheeled me by the nursery to see the baby and then to my room. I was so scared I would throw up that it took me awhile to eat and when I did, I ate really slow.

Once I was in my room Cristy and all my family took off. Joann was giving report to the postpartium nurse. The medical name to what happen is I had a circumvallate placenta with three-vessel umbilical cord with a velamentous insertion. I hade her write it down so I could rememeber. Shortly after the Fluckigers came by for a visit and to check out little Miles. However the nursery had a little situation and they wouldn't let Miles out of the nursery until he got a bath and was warm enough. Therefore, the Fluckigers could only look at him through the nursery window. Then we had Keith and Angela with their boys come by for a visit. It was so fun to see everyone.

I must admit that first night was rough. I relied a lot on the nurse and called every time I got up to use the restroom. My biggest complaint was my abdominal muscles were so sore it was hard to use them. I didn't have much cramping and when I did it was more like back pain. Plus my back really hurt where my epidural was. I was so uncomfortable at times I would ask for warm blankets to use as a heating pad. I would also keep ice packs on throughout the night because I tore (only one stich) and stayed on Motrin around the clock. There was only one point in the night where the pain woke me up and it felt like I was hit by a truck but a heating pad eased the pain away.

Miles slept the whole time. I had to force him awake to eat at around three or four in the morning. Too bad I couldn't sleep very good because there was the potential to get a lot of sleep that night. Despite Matt sleeping in the same bed as me, neither one of slept very good. You would think we were so sleep deprived that we could just crash, obviously not.

Standing in the ER parking lot thinking, "I can't believe I am going to have a baby!"

Matt tried to get some sleep but he didn't get much.

My loving family gathered all around me to celebrate the arrival of Miles.

I kept my i-phone close so I could update everyone on facebook as the progression continued.

I wanted to look good for the delivery of Miles and had remembered to bring my make-up

Matt and I were getting a little anxious and couldn't wait until I was done laboring so we could hold our little guy.

The three musketeers and the best support group I could ask for.

FINALLY-it's time! My baby was crowning and we were waiting for Dr. Chautner to show up and deliver Miles.

I couldn't wait!

The Doctor showed up but was dressed in all WHITE! He changed quickly.

My mom was holding one leg while Matt was holding the other. Erin was in charge of pictures and my dad did the video.

He came out pretty blue. Pictures don't even do it justice.

With a little bit of oxygen he came alive!

Miles was very mucousy.

My two boys.

Happy to see my little boy was doing ok.

He is such a scowler.

Weighing in at 6 lbs 13 oz

20.75 inches long

Matt bonding with his new little buddy

His toes were so long and skinny I thought I was going to break them. He also has a hook toe like me.

His fingernails were SO long and he has big hands.

Finally I got to hold my little boy.

I was overwelmed with emotion thinking, "What could have happen." So glad he made it here ok.

He and Brielle look so much a like.

Auntie is pretty excited to have a nephew.

The two cousins: Miles and Eva. The are 17 days apart.

Won't be able to hold new babies like this again.

Little Eskimo kiss.

Like father like son. Miles has double dimples.

Picture on top is where my placenta attached and picture below is where is should normally be.

Our first family photo

Brielle sitting on Oma's lap eating her chip looking at her new baby brother.


I had to beg for this kiss

Miles first bath

Our fun visitors-the Fluckigers'